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© Copyright 2001, Jim Loy
A friend of mine had lost a loved one. Another friend was trying to console her, saying, "We know how you feel." The grieving friend retorted, "You DON'T know how I feel." And the consoling friend retreated, apologetically.
I was tempted to say, "How dare you say we don't know how you feel? Are you the only one here who has experienced the loss of a loved one? Of course we don't know exactly how you feel. But almost everyone has been there." I probably would have made things worse. What kind of evil ogre attacks a grieving person?
I objected to the falsehood, "You don't know how I feel." And I object to wallowing in self pity, embracing grief. But if I had attacked, the result probably would have been guilt, on top of everything else. So I kept quiet.
So, we don't know how you feel. Or maybe, we do know how you feel. Whichever helps you deal with the pain.