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Paranoid Driving

© Copyright 1999, Jim Loy

The purpose of this article is to bring automobile traffic to a standstill, worldwide. We begin by examining "defensive driving." Defensive driving is based on the idea that the "other guy" is going to do something stupid (a good assumption), and that you should be reasonably prepared for it.

Scenario #1 - The 4-way stop: You are stopped at a 4-way stop. You got there before the other person. But, you don't go, because the other person may be a homocidal maniac (or an utter moron) and ram you, thereby killing you. No. Thereby denting your car. I must admit that having your car dented is a big bother (see Six Young Women Hit My Car).

Scenario #2 - The intimidating driver: You are driving along a through street, or highway. A car is approaching your road, from a side-road to your right. He/she is approaching a stop sign, but is not slowing down much. Does this person have good brakes and tires? Is this person a homocidal maniac (or an utter moron)? So, you slam on your brakes, just in case. And, he/she stops, too. Ha ha ha, faked you out (Wasn't that a song, "Fake me out to the ball game"). Did you avoid death and dents? Maybe not; the car behind you may have been "following too closely," which is a crime. And you may be dead, and have dents.

Scenario #3 - The normal driver: You are driving along a through street, or highway. A car is approaching your road, from a side-road to your right. He/she is approaching a stop sign, just like the previous scenario. But, this time, he/she is obviously slowing down. Does this person have good brakes and tires? Is this person a devious homocidal maniac (or an utter moron)? So, you slow down, just in case. And the person behind you slows down, too. Did you avoid death and dents? The devious homocidal maniac, accelerates into your path. Can you stop in time? Probably not. You will kill him/her at a somewhat reduced speed. And you will suffer dents, and maybe even death yourself.

Am I saying that defensive driving is useless? No. I am saying that the above is not defensive driving, it is the next step in the evolution of defensive driving. It is paranoid driving. Certainly, be alert. Be ready to stop or avoid that moron who doesn't see you. But, don't cause an accident, when this person was obviously not going to hit you. We need to look at one more scenario.

Scenario #4 - The kamikaze driver: You are driving along a normal two-lane highway. There are numerous cars going the other way. What if one of them is a homocidal maniac, or is asleep? What if you are about to encounter someone who dreams of being a kamikaze pilot (with or without explosives)? There is only one way to avoid this person. Hide in the basement of your house, as you may die (or acquire dents) if there are any other drivers on the road. This is the logical next step in the evolution of paranoid driving.


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