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Curt, the Bumble Rancher

© Copyright 2000, Jim Loy

My friend Curt is a dedicated bumble rancher. He says that bumble ranching is a difficult business. "You can only shear so many bumblebees in one day," he admits. The shearing process removes the longest fibers of "fuzz," as it is technically known, from the bumblebee. Curt reassures us, "The bee is not harmed. Shearing makes her, the workers are all female you know, lighter and more aerodynamic." The high price of fuzz, currently about $100 an ounce, might seem to make this an attractive business. But Curt informs us, "I worked all day, yesterday. And I only harvested a tenth of an ounce."

It is with this shearing problem in mind that I have invented my automatic Bumblebee Shearer (see the diagram, below):

The bumblebee spots the cheerful flower painted on the face of the device, and makes a bee line for the center of the flower. This center turns out to be a round hole through which the bee enters the device itself. Once inside, the bee is gently tumbled by air currents generated by an electric fan. She is repeatedly rubbed against the screen of an electric razor (the razor makes a friendly buzzing sound that reassures the bee), and the fuzz fibers are gently clipped, falling into a removable bin in the bottom of the device. The bumblebee then exits through a hole (not shown) in the far side of the device.

Personally, I think that this may cause a revolution in bumble ranching. Perhaps bumble-fuzz coats will even be found in moderately-priced-clothing stores. Unfortunately, I have not yet gotten all of the bugs out of my invention.

Of course, some of the inspiration for the above invention is Rube Goldberg Inventions.

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