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Fiction, © Copyright 2000, Jim Loy
"Private, don't you salute officers?"
"Oh, sorry Sir."
"Do you call that a salute?"
"Yes Sir, I call that a salute."
"Are you trying to make fun of me?"
"No Sir."
"I don't like your attitude, Private."
"Sorry about that, Sir."
"Come with me, Private."
"Sorry Sir, but I'm really busy."
"Busy? Busy walking around in a daze? Busy not saluting officers?"
"Sorry Sir, it's really kinda important."
"See these bars, how important are those?"
"Sorry sir." Private Weathers saluted and trotted away. Lieutenant Wilson stood, sputtering in disbelief.
General Michaels said, "Yes Lieutenant, Private Weathers is one of my men."
"Well Sir, I insist that he be charged with insubordination."
"Do you? How was he insubordinate?"
"Sir, he failed to salute me, then he mouthed off to me, then he left without my permission."
"Doesn't sound too bad to me. Weathers, did you mouth off to the Lieutenant here?"
"I don't think so."
General Michaels looked at Lieutenant and raised his eyebrows, "Your word against his."
"But I'm an officer. My word is more reliable."
"Really. Weathers, let's hear what happened."
Private Weathers closed his eyes and began telling what he remembered. "I was walking on H deck, just forward of the Hyperspace Drive Control Room. I was thinking and was not really aware of people around me. Lieutenant Wilson stopped me and asked, "Private, don't you salute officers?" I saluted and said, "Oh, sorry Sir." He asked, "Do you call that a salute?" I said, "Yes Sir, I call that a salute." He asked, "Are you trying to make fun of me?" I said, "No Sir." He said, "I don't like your attitude, Private." I said, "Sorry about that, Sir." He said, "Come with me, Private." I said, "Sorry Sir, but I'm really busy." He said, "Busy? Busy walking around in a daze? Busy not saluting officers?" I said, "Sorry Sir, it's really kinda important." He said, "See these bars, how important are those?" I said, "Sorry sir." Then I saluted and left.
"Well Lieutenant, do you find Private Weathers' word reliable?"
"Yes Sir. And I insist that he be charged with insubordination."
"Lieutenant Wilson, do you realize that this starship is in a state of emergency?"
"Yes Sir, of course."
"Then maybe you can appreciate that I don't give a half a hoot about your insistence that Private Weathers be charged with anything."
"But Sir, I have rights."
"Yes, and you can exercise those rights at some later date. Now, the only reason that I have taken the time to listen to you is that Private Weathers here is in need of an assistant. And I think I have found the man for the job."
Lieutenant Wilson slowly began to realize that General Michaels was talking about him. His jaw dropped open and a look of horror spread across his face. "But, but, but, I outrank him."
"Ah yes, take those lieutenant bars off please. Come on, come on, you'll get 'em back later. You're Acting Private Wilson for the time being. Weathers, put these bars on."
"Sorry Sir, can't do that."
"Hm, I suppose you can't, can you?" He gave the bars back to Wilson, "Here, hang on to these." Wilson was silent, in a state of shock. General Michaels looked at him as if concerned about his health. "You and Weathers will be beaming down to the planet's surface in about... twelve minutes. Good luck, men."
Weathers and Wilson materialized in a green field. The planet's sun was just setting, giving the sky every color of the rainbow, mostly reds and oranges. A shining light blue city could be seen in one direction, and a dark forest was in the opposite direction. A number of people in uniform stood around, holding weapons. They were there to keep unauthorized humans and other beings away from the area. Some of these people were wondering if they were going to die. Weathers and Wilson walked down into a depression in the field. There, illuminated by hastily erected bright lights, was the shiny metal device, the bomb, a planet buster, about the size of a personal transport vehicle. To one side lay the parachute which had lowered the bomb to its current position. Weathers laid out his tools on top of the bomb. Wilson whispered, "Please be careful."
Weathers looked at him and said, "Oh, it would take a lot to set this baby off." He tapped three times on the metal skin with a wrench." Wilson looked like his heart had stopped. Weathers smiled, "Hey, calm down, we got work to do. This is no different from being in battle. We're going to live through this. OK?" Wilson nodded.
They got to work. Weathers talked constantly while he worked. "This is called a planet buster. It can't really destroy a planet. It can wipe out about ninety percent of life on a planet. But the planet itself won't be harmed much. It doesn't leave radiation, like ancient weapons did. Screwdriver." Wilson handed him a screwdriver. Weathers continued, "They've evacuated that city over there. Nowhere much for them to go, though. Only a small number can leave the planet. We don't have the resources to evacuate an entire planet. Some of the rich beings probably fled in their own ships. Once we get this thing defused, they'll come back. I wonder if the people, beings, who had to stay here will appreciate that. Magnet." Wilson handed him a magnet.
Soon a panel opened, exposing a control panel with lights, switches, and buttons. Weathers said, "Ought to just be able to give it a 'disarm' instruction, don't you think?"
"You're the expert."
"No human has ever seen one of these. Only the Meldorians know much about these devices, and we can't ask them. If you were a bomb builder, would you make it so it couldn't be defused?" He busied himself testing voltages, while Wilson thought that over. The bomb had a computer in it. Weathers, began copying data from this computer to a computer on board the ship in orbit.
Wilson said, "Well, if I built this planet buster, I would want to prevent an accident. I mean, you don't want to accidentally destroy a planet, or your own starship. So it ought to be easy to disarm. But you don't want the enemy defusing your bombs. The bomb drops by parachute and the enemy runs up and defuses it. So I guess I would make the bomb go off right away, as soon as it hits the ground or before, before the enemy could defuse it."
"Yeah. This baby should have gone off long ago. I wonder why it didn't. It doesn't seem to be counting down. It must have malfunctioned. We probably ought to just let it sit until we are sure how to turn it off. It may never explode. Maybe." Then a light on the control panel changed color from blue to green. "Whoa! Something changed. Contact the ship. Find out what blue and green mean."
Wilson began talking rapidly on the communication device. Then he said to Weathers, "Blue and green are adjacent numbers in the Meldorian number system." Then they both said together, "This sucker is counting down." They determined, with the help of the expert on Meldorian culture aboard ship in orbit that they had about an hour and a half before detonation.
Weathers asked, "Why isn't the expert on Meldorian culture down here?"
About an hour later, Weathers said, "It looks like we may have to guess. I'd say that this switch disarms the bomb. Now, do we have to push a button first, maybe hold it down and then switch the switch? If so, which button, there's four of them. Maybe two buttons, or three, or four? Or do we enter some code, and then switch the switch? If we disconnect the computer, the bomb probably goes off."
Then they got a message from the ship. A computer programmer said, "We think we understand the bomb's computer. We think that you should hold down the right button. While holding it down, press the left button twice. That may stop the countdown. And you can then switch the bomb off."
Wilson asked the computer programmer, "Are you sure?"
"No."
Weathers said to Wilson, "I can't do this with my fingers crossed." He smiled.
Wilson said, "I'll cross mine instead."
Weathers held down the right button, and pressed the left button twice. The lights on the control panel went out. Then he switch off the bomb, probably. Did it work? They waited and waited. No lights came back on. Weathers said, "Was that the right button or the left button first?" They both burst out laughing.
General Michaels said, "Good work, men. You two are heroes, now. The locals are likely to elect you to gods. I'm afraid you'll only get promotions and a few medals here. Wilson, you still want to press charges?"
"No Sir."
"I'd like you to continue working for me. How about it?"
"You'll have to ask my commander about that, Sir."
"Right." General Michaels picked up the phone. "Mabel, call Colonel Morrison. I'd like to talk to him." They waited. "Ah, George. I'd like to keep that Lieutenant Wilson of yours, if you don't mind... Ah, good. Thanks. I'll let you win at racketball next time." He laughed and hung up. Then he said to Wilson, "George doesn't seem to realize that he's losing a good man. Welcome aboard." They shook hands.