THE Official Rules of Pool

THE

Official Rules of Pool

These rules supercede similar rules in all rule books, including BCA and APA rule books. They supercede all similar rules in this pool room.

Registered owners of these rules are always right. Any ruling made by such a person is correct. Conflict between two or more registered owners of these rules will be settled by an approved, non-racial version of eenie-meenie-minie-moe, or some other tie breaking method such as rock-scissors-paper or the flipping of a coin.
A snooker table is meant to be a storage place for coats, cue cases, and various smaller items. Pool players can legally refuse to give up these territorial rights to snooker players.
The behind the back shot is legal, but it is a legitimate excuse for ridicule. Learn to use a bridge, for God's sake. It is illegal for a pool-room employee to shoot behind the back. Certain females are encouraged to shoot behind their backs, however. This is not sexism. OK, it is sexism.
Jump shots and massé shots are legal, but only by registered owners of these rules. Torn cloth and/or injuries may result in cancellation of the rights and benefits described in these rules.
No spitting into or around the wastebaskets (or anywhere else).
No smoking.
No sitting on tables, setting drinks on tables, or otherwise abusing the equipment. Violators have the right to a trial by a jury of whoever wants to see a lynching.
No twirling of cues, even if you are Tom Cruise, or a known cheerleader.
No gambling. Playing pool for money is encouraged, however.
Profanity is encouraged in moderation, when appropriate. Sometimes profanity is mandatory.

This copy of THE Official Rules of Pool is registered to ______________________.